Ask him if he does not like your suggestion; to at least discuss with you why he does not agree. One day he visits the hospital, the other day Maths with a son. This kind of situation can be incredibly hurtful, and can undermine everything that the two of you are trying to build together. But, maybe the reason he chooses his family over you is that he wants to be the peacekeeper and tries to avoid any potential conflict between you and his family. Therefore. She should not be an obstacle in the . Some people might be absolutely okay with older family members making decisions for them and ruling their lives so they dont have to adult, but if one of you is okay with this and the other isnt, then theres going to be conflict. Its always a good thing to see your husband spending time with his family and friends, but overly prioritizing one over the other can have a huge impact on your marriage. Related Reading: 5 ways to deal with your husbands parents. I was forced to marry my cousin, whos been absent since! Why? If he's no more there and not at all by my side then whats the use of living with him. What can I do if hes a mamas boy? While youre dealing with this issue, make your self-care an absolute priority. Unlike when in the UK or US where mothers often stop to have a drink after work before heading home, you would always see an Indian mom rushing home from work to help her child with homework or toss up delicacies for them. In any case, we advise you to be patient and repel the thoughts that tell you that your husband does not love you or that he is not happy with you and the like. Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. If you are feeling like he's abandoned you and not on your side, you have to either communicate this to him in no uncertain terms and see what comes of it, or to own your feelings, love yourself, and seek a divorce. If one cannot treat them nicely, then at least he should not mistreat them. They always rely on their mother regardless of whether they live alone or if theyre married. 12 Things To Do When Your Husband Chooses His Family Over You, 1. We share subjects that impact your daily life and we primarily discuss and write about all things related to relationships, breakups, mental health, astrology and much more. Men have the tendency to live with their parents longer, 2. Try to be patient and understanding while he goes through the process of distancing himself from his family a bit more, as this will probably take a while. You could be living with your husbands family or you could be living in a separate residence but when your husband chooses his family over you then its a constant battle that you have to keep fighting in your life. And you may go along with that because hey, theyre helping you buy your first house together, and thats really nice of them. A caring son could also mean a caring husband. Sister, assertiveness is a very important tool for communication. Remember that those people are his parents. So most often what happens is the husband keeps fulfilling the financial and psychological needs of his family and the wife and his own children are often asked to compromise. They may literally be in and out of each others lives on a daily basis. Has your husband been constantly visiting his cousin in the hospital after work because she is recovering from an accident? He said that he loved me but that was his brother they grew ip together. Compromising with your partner is a must if you want to have a successful marriage. And most marriages dont have any issues with their in-laws as most of them live their separate lives and are aware that they should mind their own business. Tell him to have the weekends for such visits. Your best bet is to avoid having any conflict with your in-laws and try to have an honest conversation with your husband in a peaceful manner. Basically, that because theyve all known one another and supported one another for as long as your husband has been alive, they and their views, wants, needs, and preferences need to take precedence over yours. Hence, the husband is ordained to have a good marital relationship with his wife in the same way the . Be open about your feelings to people around you, for instance, your in-laws. And i told him I understood. Then make it very clear to your relatives without being rude that you have work to do when they are dropping in so if you remain confined to your room, they should not hold it against you. Youre contemplating the reasons for his actions and even if the two of you have a future together anymore. If you try to find a compromise with him, he wont be forced to choose between you or his family. All rights reserved. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. Ive lost my self confidence. They claim to be their knight in the shining armor. Follow us at: This website uses cookies to ensure you get the best experience on our website. They may say things like Are you okay with this? or Is this what you want? or Do you agree?, Make sure your husband is prepared for this. When i say i have no place i mean i have no say in my marriage he listens to his mother and sister . But over time, that parent-child bond that he shares can become a burden to your marriage. But thats not what I mean. Other uncategorized cookies are those that are being analyzed and have not been classified into a category as yet. Think Aloud is a destination where youll find stories about every step you, as a woman, take. This page contains affiliate links. What can I do about it? Just counter their view with your own, firmly and decisively. 3. By Kimberly Ben When I reverted to Islam over 10 years ago, I received mixed reactions from my friends and family. They made an attempt to make a problem. To this day, all their conflicts around Meenus complaint, My husband always supports his mother. No matter how much she resents him for it, Rajesh continues to be the dutiful son. My question is that My husband constantly underestimates me by calling names . So, next time he chooses to spend a bit more time with his father than with you and chooses to go golfing with him, chances are hes doing it because he wants to satisfy his father and keep the peace between you. You are afraid he might kill you. And ever is Allaah Encompassing and Wise. If he doesnt realize this, or he doesnt want anything to change, then thats a sign that he probably still has a lot of growing up to do. No relationship is worth tolerating abuse and disrespect for. My partner and i have been living together for 3 years. Likewise, you can come to an agreement about what would be an acceptable frequency for his guys night outs. And youre tired of always doing that because his mom might think you dont know how to cook. I don't want to create any problem I really need a peaceful life but what happened was they took me for granted and they starting making an issue unnecessarily. The way to approach situations where his parents feel that it is okay to force their views and wishes upon you is to do so tactfully and respectfully. You want your husband to remember that you play a significant role in his life, but you cant go out of your way every single time for them because he has a family on his own now. He was treating me as his maid. Is it that he is not happy with me.? The men are raised in a way that they do not become obedient or submissive to the wives. Living with his mother (at the time of her death) was his 26- year-old younger sister and 25-year-old Of course, it is a good thing for the husband to be kind and dutiful to his family members, but it is not permissibleto achieve thatat the expense of the wife or in matters that could harm her. Sometimes, you have to take a step back and reevaluate the situation. Privacy Policy | About us |Contact us 2023 Think Aloud. The thing is, your man is probably not aware of this because he cant influence it. Lets get this straight. By prioritizing your own needs and occupying yourself with your own pursuits, youll be less resentful of the time your husband is giving them instead of you. Well, those moms have a difficult time seeing their sons grow up. Clear and transparent communication is very necessary to get your thoughts across to your husband. It involves putting across your message in a clearer and confident way. Suddenly, it dawns on him that hell spend less time with his family and more with you. They think of them as children and as such create an unhealthy mother-son relationship. He compares your cooking to her cooking. I daily think of leaving him as I feel low of my self. The good news is that it can be learned for sure. So, instead of being hurt and showing it passively, it might be a good idea to collect yourself together and ask your husband gently but firmly why he did not listen to your idea or even consider it. My husband chooses his family over me Monday, March 29th, 2021 00:00 | By. First, take a step back and breathe. Things will only get worse if you let your hurt feelings turn toxic. Disclaimer:The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. He may get really defensive, and tell you that youre being over sensitive or that things arent that big a deal. But theres nothing greater than being a team player with your husband because it means that youre spouses, best friends, and partners in crime all rolled into one. He grew up with them, so things cant change overnight. He seem to become an animal when he doesn't think he is taken care ofI'm very suspicious to live with him cause it might be a danger to my life he might kill me that's why I have taken a decision for a divorce. And, quite frankly, if he cant change his ways and treat you as an equal to his family, there are any great choices. You married a typical desi backward culture where the bride has to be a servant to his family, and the husband will be a mamas boy and give all his attention and earning to his family. In principle, Dawah (calling people to Allaah) should be done with gentleness and not with harshness, with good admonition and not with rebuke; otherwise it will only lead to bitter consequences. Assertiveness entails that you use I statements. In this situation, you have to compromise. Well, the reason you fell for your guy might be because he shares a deep and strong connection with his parents. He starts feeling guilty for not spending as much time with his family as he used to, and as a result, starts neglecting you. Answer: Of course you are "that important" so that your husband should share important birthdays with you. Were your one-stop destination for unraveling the mystery that is love. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. Men, generally, promise to be there for their wives, to never leave them alone, to be their protector, and what not. It might be worth sitting down and having an honest conversation about how much time you are willing to spend with his family. He has always been prioritizing them in small ways and does not realize how much he is hurting you by giving you a second-citizen treatment. And then post marriage, you wonder why your husband chooses his family, again and again,hurting you in the process. As odd as it sounds, theres a logical explanation for this. How do I tell my parents I want to marry someone else? We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. Instead, consider it a way of filling up the time when your husband is unavailable to you by surrounding yourself with people you love. Simple as that. They just secretly hope that hell get out of his mothers shadow and take control of his own life. In many cases, it has also happened that a husband has relocated his entire family abroad because his parents wanted him to stay near them. One simple piece of advice that can go a long way in resolving the deadlock is to become a part of his family, in true earnest. If your husband isnt willing to support you and stand up for you while youre being disrespected by his parents, siblings, or extended family members, then you need to ask yourself whether youre okay facing that kind of abuse forever. But dont do it with a sense of vengeance or to get back at him. Young lovers step into this bliss by promising each other fairy tale scenario. You can work on a budget accordingly and make a list of the activities you would want to do. What to do when your husband is too attached to his family and considers it his responsibility to fulfill their needs and desires? Can I divorce? Hes the one who has the power to start working on himself. The problem seems to be when your mother-in-law and father-in-law suddenly become intruders. Is there anything I can do about it?. Your husband is in control of his life, not you. One day i asked him why is he more important then me? Tell him while you will ensure that you are not overshooting the budget, he has to ensure his parents are doing the same. Dont let your anger turn into resentment. I also fully realize how painful it must be for you to go unheard and not having your need met as an equal in your relationship with your husband. ), 9 Highly Effective Ways To Deal With Condescending People, Help! Or will he accept the fact that he overlooked your emotions? Basically, if your husband is showing you that youre not top priority in his life, then make yourself the priority in yours. While this is the natural inclination, sometimes it tends to make matters worse, especially with men. As such, they may not be aware of how unhealthy it is, or how badly their family members behavior is affecting you. Pray that Allah SWT puts love and kindness in your husbands heart for you and also, that he opens new avenues for your familys financial stability. This is a reality many married women face in India. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. As a wife, you have to realize when your husband chooses his family he is actually making a tightrope walk and succumbing to a lot of pressure. You have dont nothing wrong. And as time passes, you start to feel your spouse neglecting you, whether that be financially, mentally, or whatever. You will be hurt and you will show it to your husband in the form of some emotional reaction. 5.8K views, 187 likes, 23 loves, 22 comments, 230 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from : . The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other. Sister, sometimes I feel that men are scared and weary of women getting emotional. His family doesnt follow shariah nor in to deen and he doesnt tell thrm anything but tells me i am not a good muslim. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam, is His slave and Messenger. Sit with your husband and work out a budget as to how much should go to your husbands family and how much should be kept for your own. It may seem like he loves them more than he loves you. He seem to become an animal when he doesn't think he is taken care of. Make a list of everything that his family members do that hurts or disrespects you, and address them with your husband. In Indian families, the son is expected to prioritize his parents and siblings even after he is married and has his own family. Youll only get complicate things if you pull others into the situation. In Indian families, the son is expected to prioritize his parents and siblings even after he is married and has his own family. 1. After our marriage ups and downs started to occur, and she gradually made him to change, we flew off to abroad and he didn't even treat me as his wife. List of the activities you would want to have the tendency to live with their parents longer, 2 his! 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Been living together for 3 years about us |Contact us 2023 think Aloud is a destination where youll find about! Of everything that his family members do that hurts or disrespects you, as a woman, take hurting... Family members do that hurts or disrespects you, 1 budget accordingly and make a list everything..., as a woman, take like he loves them more than he loves you those that are being and., your in-laws his brother they grew ip together 9 Highly Effective ways to deal with your chooses. ; so that your husband been constantly visiting his cousin in the shining armor, 1 from... Just counter their view with your husbands parents those moms have a difficult seeing... He accept the fact that he is not happy with me. your in-laws children and as time,! Budget, he has to ensure you get the best experience on website... To build together that be financially, mentally, or whatever in control of mothers... While this is the natural inclination, sometimes i feel that men are in... 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